True Confession: I Considered Becoming a Nun

True Confession: I Considered Becoming a Nun

I often thought about becoming a nun. There is something about the life of the nun that has always appealed to me; the nuns I knew were happy and peaceful and were serving God. I wanted all of those things and until I was in college, I thought that becoming a nun was the road to that kind of happiness. Now that I am older and wiser, I know for sure that I would have been unhappy as a nun and would probably have been kicked out of any convent. Or maybe not; I used to be much more pliable and easily intimidated and if I had become a nun I might not have become the assertive person that I am today. I am happy with the life I chose but every so often I wonder what my life would have been like if I had become a nun.

My first contact with nuns was in grade school CCD classes. We belonged to St. Pius the Xth church in Scarsdale, NY and I believe the nuns there were Dominicans based on my memory of their habits, which were long white dresses with black veils. Their hair was hidden behind complicated white wrappings. Not long after I started CCD, probably around 1968, the nuns turned in their long habits for shorter white dresses and short black veils with a white headband that showed some hair-a surprise to most of us, who thought that the nuns were bald. Most of my nun teachers were nice women and they often spoke of the joy they felt in their lives as nuns. Part of their mission as teachers of CCD was to encourage young girls to consider becoming nuns ourselves.

What I did not know then was that the Catholic Church and American nuns were undergoing a revolution. The Second Vatican Council (held 1962-1965) urged churches to become more relevant by doing the Mass in English and religious orders were told to re-examine their practices and make changes. I’ve read a lot of books written by former nuns and sisters who were part of this change and many of them described it as an upheaval. Nuns and sisters who entered prior to Vatican II were trained under a rigorous system that was designed to strip them of self in order to rely totally on God. Over time in too many convents, that stripping of self was taken to psychological extremes that left women unable to think for themselves or make decisions. Poverty and chastity, two of their vows, were hardly issues because they did not deal with money and men (other than priests) did not venture behind convent doors. Obedience was the vow that was used to force women to bend to the will of their religious superiors, sometimes to their detriment. And because many nuns were needed as teachers in parochial schools, these women were often rushed through a two-and-a-half year formation process that was designed to re-form their worldview and also get them out into the parishes as teaching sisters. Some of them were only 21 years old when they were sent to the classroom without college degrees or teacher education. They were expected to teach classes of 50-60 children and while many of them managed quite well, it had to be a really difficult experience for a young woman who was still reeling from the formation process. 

After Vatican II, nuns began to leave their convents. Many had been unaware of news events and the 1960s were a time of great change in the US. Nuns began to follow the news and to work in their surrounding communities, and as their thinking expanded beyond convent walls, many felt that the convent system constrained them from growing into the people they wanted to become. My friends and relatives at that time speculated that nuns were leaving the convents to get married, but in truth many left because they wanted to do more with their lives. Prior to the 1960s, women could become secretaries, teachers, nurses, wives, and nuns. There were very few options open to women who wanted careers. The sixties changed all of that and nuns, like other women, wanted to explore the possibilities available to them. Younger nuns had some culture shock upon leaving but were able to adapt. Nuns who were trained in the pre-Vatican II system had a much harder time adjusting to life in the world. They had to learn to use money, find housing, purchase clothing, and find work. Some suffered from depression and anxiety disorders and had a really hard time adjusting to life. Convents were left with a mostly aging population of nuns and Catholic schools were forced to hire lay teachers; both conditions were costly to the churches and convents.

Nuns who stayed in their convents often abandoned their habits altogether and wore regular clothing. It was a shock for parishioners and an even bigger shock for those of us who attended Catholic schools at that time. In the space of a few years our nun teachers went from wearing yards of black wool to plain dresses and veils to regular clothes with a religious pin to indicate their order. Many of the really old nuns refused to change their attire and remained in the full-length habits. There had to be dissension in convents over this and I imagine that there were some battle lines drawn between traditionalists and progressives. European nuns were not as progressive as their American sisters; two of our Ursuline nuns visited an Ursuline convent in Italy, and the nuns there refused to believe that our nuns were actually nuns.

Like nurses who were abandoning their white uniforms and distinctive nursing caps, nuns began to lose some of their mystique as they became less identifiable. To some nuns the habit provided protection and represented them as ambassadors for Christ, while others saw the habit as a barrier between themselves and the people they wanted to serve. The number of religious sisters began to drop as women chose other professions and many convents were forced to consolidate or close. A Pew Research Center article by Michael Lipka in 2014 cited a study by CARA (Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate) that showed the number of nuns and sisters in the US has fallen 72% in the last fifty years. The priesthood has suffered some losses but not nearly as drastic as the sisterhood. Some American nuns have become liberal opponents of the Vatican and many question the relevance of becoming or remaining a nun.

Paradoxically, there has been an increase in the number of young women (and some older women) seeking traditional convent life. In most of these convents the nuns wear habits, keep traditional hours of prayer and devotion, and live together in community. The formation process has been lengthened so that both the seeker and the convent can determine if convent life is the right fit for the woman. Rather than stripping away their will, nuns “in training” are focused on the gospel message and the teachings of Jesus Christ and sacrifice that is freely given. Many come to the convents with advanced degrees and some have worked out “in the world” in a variety of professions. The Our Lady of the Angels Monastery, home to Mother Angelica, is a famous convent whose sisters went back to the full-length habit and veil. Modern communities have web sites and are very much connected to the world, even the convents that are cloistered (in a cloistered convent, the nuns do not leave the convent except for emergencies or medical care. Their work is to pray for the world). These modern yet traditional convents post pictures and lift some of the veil of secrecy about the life of a nun. The Daughters of St. Paul, another growing order, has added social media to their list of tools for spreading the gospel.  I first learned of the Daughters of St. Paul when I stumbled across a series of You Tube videos entitled “Ask the Postulant.” The postulancy is the first stage in the formation of a nun and this convent approved the creation of these videos to show women that joining a convent is a viable option. And recently the Lifetime network produced a short series called Sisterhood: Becoming Nuns, which followed five women ages 21 to 27 who visited several convents as part of the discernment process. While it was somewhat scripted and occasionally silly, I believe it was an honest portrayal of these girls’ struggles with the decision of whether or not to become nuns. It was also an honest portrayal of the nuns in the convents that they visited.

As I said above, I am certain that I made the right choice by not becoming a nun. I admire the young women today who have a hunger to serve God and are willing to devote their entire lives to His service. It in no way diminishes the work I have done for God or the work I have done as a wife and mother, but there is such a sacrifice in forgoing marriage and children in order to serve God. It frees them to love and care for many children and adults as they spread the good news that Jesus Christ loves them and took the penalty for their sins, that they might have eternal life with God.

Reference:
1. Lipka, Michael. 2014. US nuns face shrinking numbers and increased tensions with the Vatican. Pew Research Center. Retrieved from http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/08/08/u-s-nuns-face-shrinking-numbers-and-tensions-with-the-vatican/ (http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/08/08/u-s-nuns-face-shrinking-numbers-and-tensions-with-the-vatican/)  (http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/08/08/u-s-nuns-face-shrinking-numbers-and-tensions-with-the-vatican/).

2. I have read a lot of books about nuns. Some were fiction and some were biographies. Other books explored the life of nuns at different times in history. Everything that I read contributed to what I have written here but I cannot provide specific references.