Wednesday, April 24, 2013

It's been awhile since I've blogged. I've been really, really busy with work. And when I come home from work, I spend time studying things that will make me more effective at work.

Have you ever seen a "quick-start" guide? You know- the inserts that come with a new gadget, that give you the short-cut to start using the gadget without having to read the manual (if you even GET a manual). I think people need a quick start guide. Here's mine.

1. I hate pepper. I like salt. Yes it is bad for you. But I prefer salt and I do not like pepper, which restaurants seem to be using by the gallon to cover up the fact that they're removed salt from their foods. I can't even get a bowl of spaghetti at Olive Garden anymore without having it smothered in pepper. I have very mild hypertension which is under control.

2. I like gadgets. Don't judge. Some people spend money on shoes or clothes or jewelery. I spend it on gadgets. And often those gadgets are useful.

3. I am obese. I know this. I do not need you to point it out. I do not need you to look at everything I put into my mouth. I know that it is not healthy and I know that many of my aches and pains are caused in part by the obesity. I have gained and lost several people in my lifetime. I am stable at my current weight. This is where I end up every time I try to lose weight.

4. If you are thin, do not hang around me and talk about how fat you are. I don't want to hear about your diet, and I really don't want the not-so-subtle hints that I should join the office weight-loss challenge.

5. If you recently lost a lot of weight, please do not appoint yourself as the person who will convince me to join Weight Watchers and LA Fitness. You are not an expert about me- you can only claim expertise about your own weight loss. Do not tell me about the wonders of exercise. You do not live in my body and you do not know what hurts. I will say this- my knees were fine until I started using an exercise bike. Now I can add bad knees to the bad back and bad ankle.

6. I do not like talking on the phone. I tend not to talk to very many people on the phone. Don't take it personally if I don't call a lot or spend a lot of time on the phone. I don't even have a house phone anymore, just a cell phone.

7. I hate confrontation. I will, however, confront you if you verbally attack or in any way go after my children. If you attack me, I will most likely curl up into a figurative ball and cry a lot. I don't like getting zinged and I won't zing you. It's not in my nature.

8. I am not the same person I was when I left home at 18 to go to college. Why do you think that I am? Have you grown and matured? Guess what- so have I.

9. I'm a Twilight fan. Have been for years. Again, don't judge.

10. I am a nice person, a fun person, if you get to know me. I have my quirks-don't we all? I'll accept yours and you accept mine.

Here ends my quick start guide.