I am the left lane squatter. I sit in the left lane and refuse to cede my spot. I exist primarily to annoy those of you who want to get to someplace as quickly as possible.
I love two-lane highways, especially ones with trucks and lots of cars in the right lane. That way, I can stay in my spot and look in my rear view mirror to see the long, long line of cars behind me that I am forcing to go at my speed. Such power! It gives me a thrill. Sure, I could pull over into the right lane at any time, but I get a certain satisfaction in knowing that in one small act, I am impacting so many lives.
I have to admit, though, that trucks do frighten me. That's why I stay in the left lane and refuse to pass them. And I like hanging right on the corners of other cars, to keep an eye out for people who are trying to move around me. It's my job to keep them in line.
After all the speed limit is 55, right? I'm doing 55, and I'm saving all of you speeders from a ticket. You should thank me. It's not MY fault that you're in a hurry. I'm a citizen, and this is my road. I pay taxes, too, and I'm not breaking any laws. In fact, I'm enforcing laws. I am a hero.
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