What Not To Wear

My daughter and I spent a few hours at a local pool yesterday. Let me start with a disclaimer- I am absolutely nothing to look at in a swimsuit. I am overweight and I know it. I wear a "skirt" suit with a top, which hopefully covers up the worst of the worst; but short of wearing a 1920's bathing costume, there's no way to cover it all up.

The key is, I know what I look like in a swim suit. I'm not trying to pretend that I have a good figure. There are a LOT of women who wear bikinis long past the time when they should have stopped. And I'm not talking about obese women. There were plenty of two-piece swimsuits in evidence on bodies that should never, ever be in a two-piece again.

First is the woman who's had a couple of kids. Maybe she lost all her baby weight, but her body shape is definitely not what it used to be. In a one-piece, no one would notice the sagging or pouchy areas. In a two-piece they're on display for everyone to see. Little lops of flesh and fat spill over the sides of the bottom piece, or perhaps the front of the top rides a little low while the straps across the back creep upward toward the neck.

Then there's the woman who is a little older than that, maybe late forties, early fifties, who probably looks great in her clothes. I am reminded of a time in high school, when I was given the opportunity to model fall clothing for a fashion show sponsored by the Mother's Auxiliary. That was back in the days when I was thin and fit. And oh so young. It was to be a "mother-daughter" show but my mother was too busy running the luncheon, so I was paired up with another mom. She was lovely and thin and looked great in the clothes. We ended up next to each other at the end, allowing me to witness what happened when she took off her body shaper. I have never seen skin actually fall like that before. She was still thin but her body parts were several inches lower, along with her stomach skin (she'd had 6 kids. That's a lot of stretching). These older women in bikinis are much the same. They may wear a size 4 or 6 in clothing, but in a bikini, all you see is saggy skin. Again, a tasteful one-piece (with a built-in bra) would look lovely.

Now we come to the adolescent who is still growing and still has some baby fat. Please dear ones, until you have a distinct waist, stick to the one-piece. And if you look down and your stomach sticks out further than your boobs, stick to the one-piece.

And lastly, I turn to my fellow chubettes. Ladies, I am not advocating a full-on circa 1920's bathing costume, but I am advocating something more than a traditional one piece or tankini. The tops of our thighs are areas that should never see the light of day, and certainly not in public. I wear a skirt bottom tankini with a long top, but you can also get a one-piece skirted suit, or swim trunks that go over the traditional one-piece.

My final word, again to my sister chubbies- please, when you're at the pool, don't bend over with your behind in the air. Squat down. Please.

I don't write this to be offensive. Remember, I know what I am and I am not at a pool to display my body. I'm there to enjoy the sun and the water. Too many ladies (and some men, but I'm not qualified to discuss men's swimsuits) bring an element of voyeurship to the pool, making it fair game.