What Do You Crave and Why?

So- what do I crave and why? Lots of things flashed through my head but they were things I want. Being the English major that I am, I decided to look up the definition of crave. It means to feel a powerful desire for (something). Based on that, a “crave” is much more than a “want.” I want to be at the beach. I want my family close. I want a healthy family.

The thoughts that sometimes consume me are probably what I crave. I crave a normal 55-year-old woman’s body, not a body with herniated disks and a mangled ankle. I crave the normal aches and pains of middle age, not the constant chronic aches in my back, ankle, and now right knee. That poor knee took most of my weight for each ankle surgery, probably a total of 9 months. No wonder it hurts all the time and now it, too, has arthritis, just like my lower back and ankle.

This will sound odd but I crave passion. Somewhere in the last few years I lost the passion I had for getting out of bed each day and doing whatever I was to do that day. I don’t know what my passion is. I am cautiously optimistic about writing, because I’ve always wanted to do it, but at the same time I’m afraid that if I invest myself in it and fail, I will really crash.

Last week I returned to Community Bible Study, a women’s bible study that was the center of my life for 10 years. I had to give it up 12 years ago to go back to work. Sitting in the pews at North Park Church last week felt so right and so good. I think I have been craving a return to CBS for many years. When I was at CBS I was a leader as well as a student. I felt connected to wherever I was serving at the time (children’s worship leader, homeschool teacher, core group leader and more). I had a close bond with a group of ladies that I remain close to even years after leaving. I guess I’m saying that I crave the kind of love and acceptance and worth that I received as a member of CBS. I’m not saying that I don’t get that from my husband or kids- far from it! But there is a special love that comes from a group of women who are meeting with one purpose- to study the Word of God and share it with others.

Really, isn’t that what everyone craves? Love and acceptance based on how God sees you, rather than how your boss or co-worker or hubby or the driver in the next car see you? No wonder I felt as if I was finally at home. I was back at the place where I was loved for being Donna.